The Bob Saga: IX: Writing Appears

Last Night

This Morning

Written 4 October, 2010

The Bob Saga

IX: Writing Appears

When I awoke this morning I took a closer look at the Paris postcard-- and saw a message where none had been before!

Clearly, Bob is being held hostage. I'm standing by my Communicate button, waiting for the ransom IM demand to arrive.

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The Bob Saga VIII: Another Mysterious Postcard

Written 4 October, 2010

The Bob Saga

VIII: Another Mysterious Postcard

Getting that postcard from Paris was creepy. There was no writing on the back, no return address, just a stamp that had no DNA on it (do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a home DNA test kit on XStreet?)

Now another postcard has appeared.

 This time Bob is in a rural setting. And I don't know, but he just looks dejected.

Please, whoever is sending these cards, stop torturing us!

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The Bob Saga: VII: Emergency Trip to Paris

Cheyenne and Sweetie
Scour Paris And its Environs
In A Fruitless Search for Bob

Written 4 October, 2010

The Bob Saga

VII: Emergency Trip to Paris

SL was fairly well borked today; every time I flew near Bob's old location I was somehow whisked off the sim and caspered. Teleports were problematic, but Sweetie and I kept frantically at it until we finally arrived at the Paris 1900 sim.

Bob was nowhere to be found, but we did chance upon this absinthe-stained photo in a gutter on Rue St. Germaine.

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The Bob Saga VI: Bob Sighting!

Written 3 October, 2010

The Bob Saga

VI: Bob Sighting!

The virtual mailman just brought us this mysterious and grainy postcard!

Whatever does it mean?

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The Bob Saga: V: BOLO

BOLO BOB The Drinking Bird
CONTACT CHEYENNE PALISADES

Written 3 October, 2010

The Bob Saga
V: BOLO

All units advised... Be on the lookout for the Bob. Repeat, THE Bob. Not A Bob. THE Bob. Age, 3000 years, Height, 20 meters, Weight, 40,000 pounds. Skin Color: Granite. Last seen 29 September wearing cocoa mat tail feathers and yellow Whimsy hard hat. Believed to be victim of Bobnapping incident. If seen, please advise avatar Cheyenne Palisades. Be advised kidnapper may be armed and dangerous.

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The Bob Saga IV: Amber Alert

All Hail Bob!

Written 1 October, 2010

The Bob Saga

IV: Amber Alert

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AMBER ALERT: WHIMSY, WHIMSY KABOOM. VEH UNKN TAG UNKN, CHILD "BOB", 3000 Y.O., GRANITE, MALE, 40,000 LBS, COMP UNKN, CONTACT CHEYENNE PALISADES

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CANCEL AMBER ALERT: CHILD "BOB", WHIMSY, WHIMSY KABOOM. REPEAT, CANCEL AMBER ALERT.

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BOLO CHEYENNE PALISADES, CHGE MAKING FALSE POL REPORT

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Thank you for calling the Second Life Concierge Line. How may I help you?

Hey, why was my account suspended?

CLICK BELOW TO READ THE THRILLING CONCLUSIONS OF CHEY'S CONCIERGE CALL

What is your name, please?

My user name or my display name?

Display names aren't on the main grid at this time. Thank you for ca--

Wait! My name is Cheyenne Palisades. Don't hang up! Why was my account suspended?

Our database shows you made a false 911 call. That's a violation of the Terms of Service. We have cancelled the amber alert. We might have let the false call slide, but possession of an unauthorized Moody Stiletto prim foot is something else altogether.

False call? Canceled alert? Possession of a foot? But Bob is missing!

Our inventory search shows Bob is a copyable item. Why didn't you just rez another Bob?

You don't understand. He's not A Bob. He's THE Bob!

Yes, he's the COPYABLE Bob. As soon as you can log in, just rez another one. We've closed your ticket. As this is your first offense, your account is suspended for only one month. By November you'll be able to log in.

Wait, a MONTH!? That can't be! You don't understand. Bob is--

I'm waiting for it.

Bob's a god.

A god? Like Philip?

Bigger than Philip. Bigger even than Jobs and Gates.

Wow, that's indeed big! Maybe I'll cut your suspension down to a week.

So far as we've been able to tell, Bob's more than three thousand years old. You you know how long that is in SL time? It's like Jurassic!

Okay, your suspension is down to a day. That's older even than my grandpa.

Whimsy's native people worshipped Bob. They would have taken him when they fled the sim during a tantrum by the volcano goddess Pele, but he was so heavy he sank their outriggers. So they just left him doing his thing, rocking back and forth.

They called their god Bob? Why?

Because he does.

That doesn't change the fact that you have a copy of Bob in your inventory. 

Are you religious? 

I am.

And would you please tell me the name of your god?

We have a bunch.

Okay, then, how would you feel if someone replaced Krishna with a copy?

But Krishna IS a copy! The original was Visnu.

Duh! That's right. But you see my point. How would Christians feel about a replacement Jesus?

Terrible! It would be a sacrilege!

Exactly. And by the way, you gave yourself away. I KNEW Linden Lab outsourced their concierge service!

Please don't tell the press! I'll cut your suspension to an hour!

Make it fifteen minutes.

Okay, yes, fifteen minutes.

And you have to re-issue the Amber Alert.

But Bob's more than 3000 years old! Amber Alerts are about children. I can't  issue an Amber on a god that old!

A BOLO, then.

Yes, yes. It'll go out within the hour. It'll say your elderly god has gone missing. And just to be nice, I'll cancel the BOLO on you.

Namaste.

Namaste.

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The Bob Saga: III: The Investigation Begins

After The CSI Technicians Left, Chey Thought About Entering the Crime Scene

Written 1 October, 2010

The Bob Saga

III. The Investigation Begins

Ms. Palisades?

Yes?

Ms. Cheyenne Palisades?

Yes.

I'm Chief Linden Inspector Cloq Jasteau.  I am here for the investigation.

Welcome to Whimsy, Inspector Jasteau.

That's CHIEF Inspector Jasteau.

Welcome, Chief Inspector.

Will you please show me the zeen of the crime?

The zeen?

Yes, the zeen. The zeen of the crime.

Ah, yes, of course, the zeen of the crime! Come with me, funny little man. Here we are, Whimsy <113, 32, 20>.

But I see nothing here! How, then, can there be a crime? A crime suggests something, does it not? But this is nothing. How can this be a crime?


[For more ridiculousness, click READ MORE below]



But Bob is missing!

Your boomb is missing? You have a boomb? You are not supposed to have a boomb! Is this boomb timed to explode?

No, no, we have a Bob, not an , ah, boomb.

Ah, a Bob! That explains everything. But tell, me, what is a Bob?

Not a Bob. The Bob.

Of course, the Bob. What is the Bob?

Bob is a giant granite Paleolithic drinking bird.

Yes, yes, granite, Paleolithc, but what is a drinking bird?

It's a toy bird that makes a rocking motion; its beak dips into some sort of liquid, usually water.

And why do you call zis Bob Bob?

Because he does. Why do you have a blank look on your face?

Ms. Palisades, I need you to step back so I can investigate the zeen.

Of course. Hey, what are you doing? Is it necessary for you to point that gun at me?

But you are a suspect! You are lucky I do not zhoot you!

Zhoot me? I mean shoot me? But I'm the one who reported the crime.

Yes, and how clever you are to do zat! Aha!

Aha?

Yes, yes, Aha!

Aha what?

A galue!

Oh, wonderful! Wait-- a galue? You found a galue?

Yes, yes, you may tell me how brilliant I am later. Do you see the galue?

The galue-- I mean the clue? I see one of Bob's tail feathers.

That is no feather! That is a strip of leather.

Yeah, I know, I know. I had a limited number of textures when I made him. But it's his tail feather, all right. Doesn't that suggest he was Bobnapped?

And what is that to the left of the feather?

Uh, a dead prim guy with a sword in his back?

No, no, the other thing. 

Oh, yes! It looks like a foot. No, it's a zhue-- I mean, a shoe.. A Moody Stiletto, with a fake foot attached.

You realize what this means, Ms. Palisades? A foot sticking from the zand? It's murder, murder most foul! And you are under arrest.

What about the dead guy?

I cannot work two cases at once! Your ticket said nothing about a dead man. I arrest you for the foot!

Inferior French Handcuffs Cannot Hold Cheyenne Palsiades

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